20 Alternatives to Saying “God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle.”
I wish I were clever enough to write a click bait title and I suppose to those of us in the special needs community this is a click bait title but in reality it’s another thing that is said.
“God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.”
We’ve all heard it. If you have a child with a health condition, a child who died, a child with a developmental disability, a child who can’t speak or walk, my guess is, you’ve heard this too. Multiple times probably. It is usually meant as something comforting from a well-meaning friend or family member.
I won’t lie, it gets tiring and I believe in God. I just don’t believe in the God that “chose” me as some special, rarely seen, super human that could handle the parenting of children who suffer. My first thought when someone says that to me, is “This God you speak of wants my kids to suffer?” No. I’m not buying it.
There are 100 things one can say instead of “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle” that provide comfort. I’m only going to share 20 of them.
- “Let me come over and do some laundry.” As noted above.
- “I’m praying for you.”
- “I’m thinking of you all and how hard this must be.” << for those who aren’t the praying kind
- “I’m going to swing by some milk and bread, is there any other staple you need?”
- “How are YOU doing…can I help you so you can take care of yourself?”
- “I hope today’s appointment goes okay.”
- “What happened at today’s appointment? Was it easy or hard?”
- “I don’t know what to say, but know I love you guys.”
- “I don’t know what to say, but know I’m thinking of you.”
- “I’m dropping by some snacks at 6pm. If you leave a cooler out I know you don’t have time for a visit.”
- “Let me run some errands for you. Post office? Shopping for a gift? Grocery store? Return library books?” <<< you have to be specific or we tend to say, “I don’t need anything.” <<< which is a lie
- “I’m sending you a gift card for a restaurant near you. If you don’t give me a choice I’m going to pick one.”
- “Sometimes it IS too much to handle, isn’t it?”
- “For what it’s worth, I think you’re really holding it together.”
- “Can I come over and help with bedtime?” << especially if partner travels!
- “Do you need someone to go to the appointment with you so you can concentrate with the doctor?”
- “I know you won’t tell me what you need, so I’m going to say a few things, say yes or no to something I can do.”
- “Is Tuesday a good day to bring dinner?”
- “Can I come over Friday and watch the kids so you and _____ can go out to dinner? I’m sure I can handle things for a couple of hours.”
- “You’re doing an amazing job.”
I’m sure you can add a few of your own!
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About The Author
Julia Roberts
Julia Roberts is founder of Support for Special Needs and has been a regular contributor since its inception in May 2010. A mom to two kids with special needs, she didn't want other parents to feel what is the often isolating world of raising a child (or two!) with disabilities. Her kids had kidney transplants at the age of eight and will need liver transplants in the future as a result of ARPKD/CHF. They both have vision disorders and learning disabilities.
Thank you for posting this. People say this all the time and I often feel like we have, in fact, been given too much (some days, anyway) but we do it anyway. It’s not like we’re given a choice! I find it most helpful when people don’t just ask “what can I do to help?” but offer what they can do (like in #11 above). The reason is because there are so many things to be done and I don’t know how much time/energy the person is willing to give. Sometimes, I’m so overwhelmed that “organizing the help” is too much.
Here’s another one… Asking for Help https://supportforspecialneeds.com/2013/10/30/asking-for-help/
my son is also on the transplant list for intestines people say that to me all the time it is hard I lost my husband in 2013 so just a call and say hello would be nice trying to do it on your own is very hard thank you for sharing this
I had a five organ tx, including a small bowel. You can contact me! I get it!
I used to get given this scripture all the time (taken out of 1 Corinthians 10:13) it caused me so much grief & confusion until the Lord pointed out that it had been taken out of context. The scripture is talking about TEMPTATION. Tho the bible does say we will expedience trials in this life.
The problems that this misquoted scripture has caused people who are already suffering is sad & wrong & not the heart of God
It doesn’t affect me now that I know the truth. Maybe what I’ve said may help others who have been beaten with misquoted scripture. I hope so.
I have Gastroparesis, my oldest son has ADHD, and my youngest is going through health issues they dont know exactly whats wrong, but he now is in the 6% for his weight, is failure to thrive and we just found out has sensory disorder (he scored high on the tests), he is really hard to get to eat and soon we find out if he is going on a feeding tube, and we just also found out his A1C is elevated and i hear that phrase all the time, some days it takes everything in me to not freak out on people when they say it because some days i feel that im at my breaking point. i shared your article and im hoping that people start to think before they speak
I also have gp x 21 years. I had a five organ transplant as a result. Full GI tract (pseudo-obstruction, and colonic inertia too), many other issues. I founded a non-profit for it in 2001 and we are doing a lot if you want to check us out…lots of support for patients and a lot of advocacy work. I hope you are managing ok…very tough condition, and very misunderstood!
I am sorry people say that to you. That phrase is not of God. The scripture that has been taken out of context refers temptation, not suffering. You will not be tempted beyond what you can bear – you will always have a way out of the temptation. As for suffering, it is normally not a choice. The Bible is full of people who cannot handle their suffering on their own. Even Jesus says before he is crucified that his soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He cries out to God for help.
I hope in the future you can set people straight who say this to you. Also I hope you can take comfort in knowing that God does not want you to think that you must suck it up. Suffering can be unbearable. He knows this and wants you to rely on him.
Thanks for sharing these. I especially like 7. “I don’t know what to say, but know I love you guys.”and 8. “I don’t know what to say, but know I’m thinking of you.”
I always appreciate it when people realize I’m homebound and lonely, and offer to just come sit with me…even if all I do is sleep…they just sit to be there and don’t need to say anything.
I am sorry if others have insulted you with the comment “God would not give you more than you can handle”. God does not “give” us situations that bring trials, but He does allow them to happen. I know He sent me 16 of the 20 comments listed above when I needed them. I am the mother of two severe and profound brain-damaged children – totally helpless. It was a struggle, but the strength and comfort were there. Now that they are older, I have written a book about the journey – BUNDLES OF JOY – A JOURNEY BLESS WITH TWO SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN. I am finding that I can now give some of the 20 items you discussed to others. I will keep you in my prayers, and I am available!