God and What You Can Handle
I am bothered by cute little quips like “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
Not only is that sound bite found nowhere in the Bible, but it also portrays a weird image of God. That saying makes it sound like God is a sort of cupid, taking aim with his bow and pausing each time to consider, “Hmm, is she strong enough? No, not at all. I’ll let her continue to live a blissfully easy life… but, ooh, that one. He is strong enough. Let me grab the arrow labeled ‘have a disabled child’ and shoot it straight at him…”
The God of the Bible is sovereign – by which I mean in control of everything – and that also means that he isn’t bound by quaint clichés. It does mean, though, that life includes things we may not understand. If God is big enough to make this world, create each person, and intimately know the circumstances of not only his people but of the birds (see Matthew 6:26), then he is big enough to know or understand things that do not make sense to us.
As someone who has rheumatoid arthritis and is in pain each day (and is actually recovering right now from a related knee surgery), I find comfort in knowing that God has a bigger picture view than I do: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
However, God gives us more than just the assurance that he has it under control even when we don’t understand. In John 9:1-3, Jesus and the disciples come across a man who is blind. In looking at these verses, people often skip verse one, but it is precious to me that Christ saw the man who was blind before anyone else did.
Just as he sees and knows each of us.
The disciples ask him who sinned to cause the man’s blindness, the man or his parents. Jesus replied with these words: “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Each of us is created by God (as we see in Genesis 1 &2 and Psalm 139) and has the opportunity to demonstrate God’s works in our lives, and our kids and adults with disabilities are no different.
When we look particularly at God’s role in disability, we learn in God’s response to Moses’ speech limitations in Exodus 4:11, ““Then the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?’” Based on this verse, we can’t deny God’s role in disability. It isn’t an accident that catches him off guard. He orchestrates disability, even when we can’t or don’t understand why.
Then we see in 1 Corinthians 12 that God’s design for the church turns the world’s design upside down. The world categorizes those who are judged to be weak or less or hindered. 1 Corinthians 12 shows us that we are all created differently according to God’s purpose and that the parts some might consider “weak” are actual indispensable (see 1 Corinthians 12:22 in particular). That’s why I do what I do in leading special needs ministry – as a volunteer, not a paid staff member – in my church.
Disability does not surprise God, even when it does surprise us. Disability does not cause God to turn his back on us, even when his people do that to you, as some churches have sinfully done so. On my blog www.TheWorksofGodDisplayed.com, I write about ministries that include people with disabilities in the Christian church, including in my own church, and I make myself available to talk to churches about this. Why?
Because the gospel doesn’t exclude people with disabilities.
When Jesus was promised in Old Testament, when he was immaculately conceived in Mary, when he was born in a stable, when he lived a sinless life, when he died on the cross for the penalty of all sin, and when he rose again to conquer death once and for all to make available the gift of God to have eternal life with him in heaven … when he did all those things, as laid out in the full narrative of the Bible, he did it all for people without disability and people with disability.
Everything God does is done intentionally, even if we don’t see the big picture. It’s not random, like the arrows of a cosmic cupid.
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Shannon Dingle is the mom to two preschoolers, Robbie and Jocelyn, and the co-coordinator – with her husband – of Access Ministry, the special needs ministry of Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC. She writes TheWorksofGodDisplayed.com to equip churches to welcome all the people of God.
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If you would like to contribute an essay on your faith (all faiths welcomed) perspective and special needs, we welcome it. Please contact Julia@supportforspecialneeds.com
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Beautifully said, Shannon.
Perfectly said. You explained so well what irritated me when people exclaimed that God must have chose us for this journey because we were strong enough and “I know I could never handle what you do!”
Look forward to checking out your blog!
Barbara and Mindy, thanks for the encouragement! And thank you, Julia, for letting me write this post and sharing it here.
This is great, Julia. Love it.
It always makes me anxious when people misquote the Bible. Two things happen: A) Someone gets pissed off that God is that flippant, or B) Someone who ought not be judging is doing just that.
I think it’s easier for people to put God in a box. They give him rules for our lives, i.e., never giving us too much tough stuff. Then they turn around when tough stuff happens and blame God.
Poor guy just can’t catch a break from all of our selfish whining.
I agree, Sugar! I’ve been guilty of trying to put God in a box myself. I like answers, and sometimes I need to acknowledge that God is so much bigger than me and my circumstances. On days when my kids are being more selfish and whiny than usual, I try to remember how patient he is with me when I act the same way toward him.
Great topic, Shannon. My personal opinion is that God purposefully gives us more than we can handle. That’s one of the main ways he draws us to him. If we can do it ourselves, we never call on him. If it’s too big, we pray and rely upon him.
Jolene
I’m sorry, Jolene, but that feels a little too much like “God broke my kid so I’d go to church.” I’m never comfortable with the idea of our children being vessels for God’s work or some grand lesson or whatever. I think it has the effect of dehumanizing our kids, turning them from autonomous human beings to something… less.
I’m not a Christian, but I do think that if my daughter comes to the end of her days and meets God, she’ll deserve an explanation.
Robert, I think where we differ – other than, of course, that you’re not a Christian and I am – is that I think ALL of us are vessels for God’s work and glory. Disability is one way that plays out, yes, but it’s certainly not the only way. Schuyler isn’t in some separate “godly vessel” category, nor is any other child with special needs, so I don’t think it’s a dehumanizing perspective in that regard. I do agree with Jolene, but I would add one thing: if you have accepted Christianity, nothing is better than God. That’s why anything that brings us to him – positive or negative – can be a blessing, because he’s the best thing.
Are there explanations I would love to hear from God about various disability-related topics? Certainly. But I also trust verses like 1 Corinthians 4:17, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” In light of the never-ending nature of that glorious eternity, life – even the most difficult life – on earth is momentary in comparison.
I’m Christian and I don’t believe God said, “That Julia is so strong, she can handle it, I’m going to give her a couple of sicks kids, and then I’ll throw on some extra challenges…I’ll have her son want to kill himself for a couple of years.”
The thing about it is, someone needs to explain to me how my loving God would make my kids suffer so I would call on Him. I mean really suffer debilitating illnesses that could end their lives prematurely as a direct result of their illness.
I think if I thought that way, I’d be angry at God.
I believe God knew my kids would be sick and put certain experiences and people in my life to ease my suffering — if I decided to partake in the experiences (like prayer, meditation) and get to know the people (our 2 kidney donors came from our church, a church we visited on a whim after buying a pumpkin when I was pregnant) that could help me. Luckily for me, I did. I had the choice though and because I did those things, I was comforted in many ways.
I mean no disrespect at all (I actually love to hear other opinions) but for nearly two solid years my son wanted to kill himself. Ropes around the neck, grabbing steak knives, had no joy. There just isn’t any way that I will ever believe that God had a hand in that so I would lean on Him.
I like the way you worded this, Julia: “I believe God knew my kids would be sick and put certain experiences and people in my life to ease my suffering — if I decided to partake in the experiences (like prayer, meditation) and get to know the people (our 2 kidney donors came from our church, a church we visited on a whim after buying a pumpkin when I was pregnant) that could help me.”
I’m sorry you and your son and your family had to go through that – thanks for sharing your experiences, because they make a great point. I do think it’s too oversimplified to say “God did X so you would do Y.” I think we get in a world of trouble when we assume that we can perfectly understand and describe how God works. The book of Job is a great example of this. Job experiences tremendous suffering, but God never offers him a clear explanation. Instead, God offers Job himself.
Do I think God *can* draw us to him through our own suffering and through the suffering of our loved ones, including our children? Yes, he can. Do I think that’s the final answer to the question, “why do we suffer?” No. If I thought that, I’d be guilty of the whole putting-God-in-a-box thing that Sugar mentioned. (And, man, I’ve tried to do that. And failed, because it’s just not possible.)
I don’t think we will ever come to a correct answer here (not like it’s expected). I think we all have our own beliefs because of our coping mechanism. I was raised a Catholic and for a few years struggled with my belief in the Religion. The whole “follow the bible to the letter” never sat well with me and to this day still doesn’t. But from having my daughter be born with ARPKD and all the struggles we have been through in her first year (She’ll be 1 on Tuesday) I have come to terms with my beliefs. I believe that God knew my daughter would be ill and I firmly believe that he put trials in my life long before I had her to prepare me for what was to come. I was never the typical 20 year old and when I had my daughter I stepped naturally into determined Mommy mode because I had the maturity for it and the room in my heart.
While I do not believe God chose for my daughter to be ill or for her to suffer I do believe God knew that I had the room in my heart to love her unconditionally and the stubborn (sometimes one track mind) that my daughter would need in a mother. I have fought for her since before she was born and at times it was so overwhelming and hard doing it all alone (as a single mom with little family support) but I never questioned it and I never questioned that as low as I felt all I had to do was ask the Lord for his help and I always made it through. And will continue to make it through everything.
Life is hard and often cruel, but the beauty is that there is always a silver lining… you just have to find it.
Thanks for posting Julia. This actually has opened my eyes. I’ve always been told/taught that “God will never give you more than you can bear” and have quoted it to myself at very difficult times. The fact that this is not stated in the bible shocked me. How did this get started and why do so many people say it? The only verse that I came across that this could be translated from is
1 Cor 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
I’m like you, I don’t think God causes sickness and disease, rather he allows it to happen and what I have seen through my own family and others is that God can be glorified through tragedy and hardship. Ultimately, I think God’s greatest desire is that we draw close to him. I don’t know that I would have had I not been faced with sick children.
I don’t think God had anything to do with my child’s disability, and if he did that isn’t a God I want to know. And if God were testing me, giving me only what I could handle, why is my child the one with the disability? He will live with his challenges long after I leave this earth.
My brother died of a brain tumor. Did God decide that this wonderful, sweet, smart boy should die at age 25? Again, not a God I want to know. Some may be comforted by the idea that this is all part of a plan that we can not possibly understand. I am not.
I wrote a little about this recently: http://www.wantapeanut.com/2011/11/expecting-adam.html
Jennie, thanks for your honesty and for sharing the link to your recent post. I particularly love these lines: “You rise to the occasion. You just do. I love Moe so I have no choice but to parent him the best I can. I assure you, it isn’t always pretty.” That’s such a great description of parenting.
In response to the questions you raise about God, I think it would be scarier to have a God who isn’t involved in disability. What sort of powerless God is that? If he is only selectively or partially in control, then he can’t truly be God, can he? I am truly sorry to hear about your brother, and it does make God’s sovereignty a hard pill to take. But there is hope in Christ that this life is not the end. I know that doesn’t take the hurt away on his birthday or the anniversary of his death or any other difficult times, but I think the mix of hope for someday and sadness for now is described well by “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” in 2 Corinthians 6:10.
And I agree – as you could read in the post above – that God isn’t in the business of doling out what we each can handle arbitrarily. I do, though, take comfort that he has a plan, even though I’m not in on all of it. It may sound like a crutch, but it’s more than that. It’s faith.
Let me tell you something about taking care of my special needs daughter/woman. I know God has chosen my husband and I to be her parents. I’m so proud of her and I thank God for choosing us to be her parents. Our daughter has touch so many people from teachers, principles, superintendents, students, church members and so many people. I spent so many years trying to devote myself to helping her. One day by (I call her) spiritual mother told me to release her to God’s hands, I felt so responsible for all that happen to her. So I did as she asked me. I pray Lord take her and take control and I would trust into him to care for her. In 2 months she meet a young man. In 6 months he ask her hand in marriage. At one year and 14 days they were married. Let me tell all who will listen, God is great, he is loving and trustworthy. Just pray and he will listen. I can tell you I would have never have thought our daughter would ever marry. I thank you Lord for your love. I hope I have and continue to do my special job you gave me to take care of our daughter. She is a blessing to us and guess everyone so is her husband. They live right next to us and yes I have cook many meals for them. I have helped her clean house but she is starting to learn so many things. Her husband has been help on our farm and he and she love each other so much. Nothing better than seeing your special needs young adults so happy and in love. So for all who needs inspiration here it is. God Bless all believer and none-believers.