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Four Things That Stifle Caregivers and Kill Their Dreams

March 28, 2011 in Community Wisdom, Featured by Michelle Howard

Oftentimes caregivers view their lives with tunnel vision. Questions like “Who are you?” is met with the common response of “I’m a caregiver of a special needs child.”

While that statement is true, it’s also incomplete. Just because you have the huge responsibility of meeting and supporting the special needs of another, does not mean that’s what defines you.

Caregivers have dreams too. Sometimes those dreams are related to being a caregiver. Many times, they are not.

Being a caregiver birthed a dream of me becoming a physical therapist. I wanted to help children like my child to become more mobile. That dream has since fizzled out. Not because I’m no longer interested but because I allowed situations and circumstances to stifle it.

What is it that you are allowing to kill your personal dreams? Are you allowing circumstances unique to care giving, stop you from fulfilling them?

There are four enemies to your dream becoming a reality. They will stifle hault, thwart or whatever you want to call it.

Lack of Self Confidence

Just because you are caregiver, doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can or should do well. What were you passionate about before you became a caregiver? Reach back to that point in time and refocus on what it was that made you good enough back then to accomplish those goals.

Lack of Resources

Don’t allow money to be the determining factor for not pursuing a dream. There are a ton of resources at your disposal. You just may not be aware of them. It will take some research but you CAN find financial help. As a matter of fact, you may find help that others are not privy to BECAUSE you are a caregiver.

Allowing Other People’s Opinions to Matter

Sure, you don’t want to disregard others around you – especially those close to you. Yet, you don’t want to allow other people’s opinions to weigh in heavier than your own (unless their name is 3 letters, begins with G and ends with D :-)

Sometimes people can’t catch your vision. That’s OK. Just don’t allow their negativity or ignorance to stop you from doing what you know in your heart you were born to do.

Fear

This is a powerful word and can stop anybody cold in their tracks. If you find that you are not following your dreams because you fear the outcome or even fear success, you must find a way to push on – even in the face of fear. Otherwise, your dreams will die.
Being a caregiver doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of your existence. If you have dreams, don’t let these 4 things keep you from reaching them. Do what you are good at, have passion for and long to do. You just may change someone else’s life.

About Michelle: Michelle H Smith is a mom of a child with multiple special needs. She helps other caregivers find ways to balance their lives by sharing stress reduction tips and resources on her blog Stress Relief for Caregivers. She also offers a line of pain and stress management products in her online store, http://www.antistressandpain.com

Generating a little self-esteem

June 15, 2010 in Ask the Behaviorist, Insider Insight, Latest Articles by Dr. Tiffany Showalter

Children often have a difficult time when it comes to self-confidence regardless of whether they have a disability or not. Add in a disability and his/her frustration with self-worth may become even greater. Parents, teachers, and therapists need to take into consideration how important it is to promote a healthy self-esteem in these children and to encourage positive feelings of self-worth in a child.

You are unique and special

Do not ignore a child’s problems, but focus your energy on your child’s strengths. Make time each week to focus on things your child enjoys and is successful in doing. Research indicates that the presence of at least one caring adult helps a child become resilient. Make your child feel appreciated and special.

Learn to cope

Problem solving skills and self-esteem go “hand in hand”. Help your child learn to come up with solutions to his/her problems and role play some of those situations. By working together to find the solution, you are fostering increased self-esteem.

Be mindful of what you say

Be positive with what you say to your child. Instead of saying, “ You need to work harder,” try saying, “We need to find a better way to help you learn.”

Show you care

Try to be empathetic rather than judgmental. Children with disabilities often hear about what they can’t do, focus on their strengths and listen to how they feel about what they are going through.

Provide choices

Avoid power struggles by giving choices for completing activities. For example, suggest different places where they can complete homework…school or home. Allow your child to pick out his/her own clothes. Giving choices to your child helps him/her feel as if he/she has some control over making decisions.

Don’t compare your children

We all come into this world with different strengths and weaknesses, regardless of whether we have a disability or not. Therefore no two people are alike. Studies on twins even suggest that there are differences. So, remember it is unfair to compare!

Play up the positive

Children with disabilities often feel they cannot do anything right. Try to make a big deal about any strength your child shows. For example, if your child likes art, make positive comments, hang up pictures, and show off to others in front of your child to reinforce that you are proud of your child.

Give your child the chance to help someone else

Many children have fun helping others. Let your child raise money for a good cause, help a family member sweep the sidewalk, take the mail indoors for a neighbor, or get involved in other charitable work.

Teaching your children how to understand themselves and how to have a healthy self-esteem is so important. They need to feel accepted and feel as if they are contributing to their hoe and school in a positive way. Make sure that your child is not alone in his/her struggles. Many child struggle at school and parents and teachers need to show these children that they are here to provide support.

Reference:
Self esteem & stress management. Retrieved Feb 12, 2008

Tips for developing healthy self-esteem in your child. Retrieved Feb 12, 2008

Disclaimer: I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Please remember you are reading this information of your own free will and are taking the information at your own risk. The author is the legal copyright holder of this material it may not be used, reprinted, or published without my written consent. This information is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide or circumvent medical, legal or other professional advice.

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