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Keeping Calm During the Holidays

December 15, 2010 in He Said/He Said by Celebrate Calm

How can we create calm in the midst of holiday chaos?

Calm Dad Says: This holiday season, practice self-care. Before throwing yourself into the myriad demands and expectations of the season, take time to settle yourself. When you are calm, you spread that to your family. Otherwise, you’ll feel frazzled and snap at those you love. Think simplicity. Make a list of what’s most meaningful and important. Say no to that which is extraneous. Your job is not to make everyone happy. You are not responsible for creating “the perfect Christmas.” When you focus on controlling yourself and creating calm inside, instead of trying to make everyone else happy, you will spread holiday cheer.

Calm Kid Says: When I am around lots of relatives, it feels suffocating and gets really loud. I get lost in it all and get overwhelmed.  So give your kids downtime and a place where they can be by themselves once in a while. Don’t worry about them being anti-social—we just need a break sometimes away from everyone else.

How do I stay calm when relatives judge me and my kids?

Calm Dad Says:  Instead of being defensive, let’s be proactive and point out all the advantages our kids have. Your sister says, “Wow, she’s quite a handful” which is her way of saying your daughter is hyper and out of control. You reply, “You know what I love about Sarah? She has so much energy and she’s so creative. You can’t believe the play she wrote last week and performed in front of her class. I really feel sorry for the kids who just wait to be told what to do, because Sarah is going to run circles around them in the job market one day!”

The grumpy grandpa smirks, “Does he have a hearing problem because he doesn’t listen?” Your reply? “You know what I love about Jacob? He has initiative, creative ideas and he’s a problem-solver. He’s not going to be some follower in life. Nope, he’s going to be a leader and that’s going to make him really successful.”

Calm Kid Says: I used to feel like such a bad kid compared to my “perfect” cousins. But when my parents started bragging about all my good qualities around family, I started to believe that maybe I did have a great future ahead of me. It felt good to hear my parents believing in me even when others were being negative.

What do kids really want for gifts?

Calm Dad Says: Don’t buy gifts out of guilt or because you think it will make them happy. Otherwise, we’re sending the wrong message and getting kids to equate happiness with presents. But you know thirty minutes after unwrapping the last gift, some kids feel disappointed and bored. Set very clear expectations about the kinds of presents they will and will not get. Focus on giving gifts that help cultivate your child’s natural strengths and passions. Your kids have huge hearts, so spend time serving the needy, buying and wrapping presents for Toys for Tots, and giving to others. That’s where real satisfaction comes.

Calm Kid Says: I think a lot of kids like me aren’t really into stuff; we really prefer experiences. I love doing things with my Dad and Mom, going places and experiencing different activities. Some of my favorite presents were gift certificates or gift cards for things like a ride in a sports car, special dinner with a parent, an hour of free game time, get out of a chore for a day, get out of school for a play day. I loved this time with my parents more than any gift.

Celebrate Calm Founder Kirk Martin and his son, Casey (17), have trained over 100,000 parents, teachers and kids how to control their emotions through their newsletter, radio show and workshops. Sign up for their newsletter, say hi and learn more about their family-friendly programs at www.CelebrateCalm.com.

Sensory Assessments As Part of a Unified Early Learning Testing Protocol

October 27, 2010 in Ask the Occupational Therapist by Susan N. Schriber Orloff, OTR/L

School based screenings for young children are common, but what do they test, and are they enough? They are usually generalized for fine and gross motor, basic perception and social/emotional development.

All of this information is important and very valuable, but for some children essential insights into the quality of a specific performance are not addressed in what “TOTEMS”* used to call “quick and dirty” overviews. (TOTEMS and AOTA program Training Occupational Therapists for Educational Management Systems).

Some children just seem to be missing the ability to “stay with the group”. (That is what I hear a lot of when parents call about their young children.) Discovering “why” often falls to the OT doing a specialized assessment.

Many preschool and lower school directors respond to these children by suggesting facilitators who stay with the child during school. While in many cases these individuals do an excellent job, they are also expensive and make the child “stand out” from their peers within the classroom.

Screening for developmental issues can help both the parent and the school administrator decide on the best placement for the child. While the majority of early learners do very well in traditional typical programs, the ones that do not suffer in the same situation. That is when seeking an alternative modified program may be advised.

Learning should never hurt, and early learning should be joyous. For the child with sensory developmental issues school can be a scary place. Try to think about going to the same place everyday but not being able to recognize it as familiar. Think about going to a familiar place but finding noise, smells or light noxious. Put yourself in the “shoes” of a child with postural instability and asking them to sit a table for any length of time.

Knowing these things before the child enters the classroom can make the difference success or failure for these young learners. It is also good information for both parents and teachers to have on all children. Therefore a unified assessment process should include a parent checklist and an admissions or early in the school year assessment.

The parent checklist should include items that address self-care, family participation, self-calming and interests as well as the standard motor/task areas. A sample of such a checklist is offered in pdf format and can be downloaded here.

The teacher would also be asked to fill out this checklist and the results compared. It is important to (gently) explain to the parent that life on “Planet Home” is very different than life on “Planet School”*. It is often hard for parent to get that they have been “trained” by their children to anticipate areas that may be stressful for them and thus circumventing challenging situations. This is particularly difficult if the child in question is number one! (*From Learning Re-Enabled, Mosby/Elsevier Books)

Parents of young children are often focused on are they “having fun” and are they “happy”, while teachers are focused on the physical, intellectual, emotional and the neurological actions and reactions impacting learning. Unfairly, teachers are often deemed “unfriendly” by parents or having a “personality conflict” when issues are revealed.

The Occupational Therapist can play a pivotal role in the assessment and learning environment by explaining development to the parent and the teacher so that increased understanding can be attained. The OT can also help explain the crucial importance of early intervention and discouraging the “wait and see” attitude many parents may choose if they do not fully understand the issues.

And we all can be reminded of the famous quote by Mel Levine, MD author of A Mind at a Time, “children do not outgrow anything but their clothes.”

As Occupational Therapists one of our many roles with children is to make sure they grow with their clothes.

Susan N. Schriber Orloff, OTR/L, is the author of Learning Re-enabled, a guide for parents, teachers and therapists. The National Education Association, and the International Learning Disabilities Association endorse the book. She is the Director of the Modified Developmental Preschool in Dunwoody, GA. Susan writes “Ask the Therapist,” a column in Exceptional Parent magazine, and is CEO and is the executive director of Children’s Special Services, LLC, an occupational therapy service for children with developmental and learning delays in Atlanta, GA. She can be reached on the Web at www.childrens-services.com or through YourTherapySource.com.

Independence with self-care

September 28, 2010 in Ask the Occupational Therapist, Insider Insight by Dr. Tiffany Showalter

When our lovely little children are born into the world, they depend on us for their every need. We watch them grow and eventually they are able to do more and more for themselves. They learn to hold their bottles, sit up, reach for things they want, and hold utensils for feeding. Next, we watch them begin to move around their environment by scooting, crawling, and too soon sometimes walking. Walking opens up an entirely new world to your toddlers, full of opportunities to be independent.

It is not until those preschool years that we usually see children wanting to do more for themselves. They might object to the clothes you pick out for them, want to brush their own teeth, or go to the bathroom without help from you. This new found journey for independence can be unnerving for parents, but is essential for personal and social development.

Around the ages of three or four, most self-care skills become apparent, but becoming an expert at them may take much longer. If your child has a disability, these milestones may take much longer.

Self-feeding

7 months Finger feeds dry cereal
9 months Feeds self cracker using whole hand
2-2 ½  years Scoops food using spoon with spilling
2-2 ½  years Spears and shovels food using fork with some spilling
4 years Holds spoon appropriately with fingers
5-5 ½ years Uses knife to cut soft foods and spread

Undressing

1 ½ -2 years Removes socks or unties shoes
2-2 ½  years Removes pants with elastic waists and pulls over tops

Removes unfastened coat

3 years Undresses self

Dressing

3-3 ½  years Puts on coat, shoes (can be wrong feet), socks, pullover garments, pulls up pants
4 years Distinguishes front/back and clothes that are inside out, orients clothing and puts clothing on
7 years Discriminates inside and outside of clothing and can fix if wrong

Unfastening

1 year Unsnaps front snaps
2-2 ½  years Unzips and zips a non-separating sipper
3 years Unbuttons front buttons
3 ½  years Unzips front opening zipper

Fastening

3 ½  years Buttons small buttons
3 ½ -4 years Snaps most snaps-front
4 ½  years Zips front, separating zipper
5 ½ -6 years Zips, unzips, hooks, unhooks separating zipper
6-6 1/2 years Ties bows on shoes

Hygiene

2-2 ½  years Wipes nose on request
3 ½ -4 years Completes hand washing routine
4 ½ -5 years Brushes teeth
5 ½ -6 years Manages all aspects of toileting
6-6 ½ years Blows and wipes nose by self

Adapted from Hand Function and the Child:  Foundations for Remediation, by A. Henderson & C. Pehoski (Eds.), “Selfcare and hand skills,” pp.  164-183.

Disclaimer: I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Please remember you are reading this information of your own free will and are taking the information at your own risk. The author is the legal copyright holder of this material it may not be used, reprinted, or published without my written consent. This information is for entertainment and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide or circumvent medical, legal or other professional advice.

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