Having a very clear understanding about your child’s diagnosis is paramount to getting appropriate services in the IEP. Keep copious records on everything. Put all requests in writing and keep records. It is especially important when working with difficult school districts where you’re not seeing eye to eye. Have your child completely evaluated be sure to have the supporting evaluation report. Be sure to send copies of the evaluations to the district and ask for a CSE meeting to discuss the findings and recommendations. Do not be turned away if you feel your child’s needs aren’t being appropriately met. Read special education law and understand the regulations in your state. Quote the law whenever necessary. Invite anyone you consider supportive and/or knowledgeable about your child’s diagnosis. Take notes and record every CSE meeting. It is legal to record meetings with prior written notice. If available, take classes in parent advocacy. In NYS, the classes are offered at no cost to parents. It is great way to network with other parents and learn how to effectively advocate for your child. Middle-school age children should be included in CSE meetings. By age 14, children should be actively participating in their educational needs and learning how to advocate for themselves with parental support.

They have to recognize a need for it – so you need to start the process for an evaluation for it – you will also want to read through our legal articles to just prepare yourself. I’m traveling and have horrible internet service, but will get back to the group around august 8, but you need to request a meeting – at least now or the first week of school.

Network with other parents in your school district and find out what services they’re getting (thereby discovering what’s available). This is how we learned about a “secret” special program for emotionally disturbed students.

Most importantly — Document, document, document! Keep a running account, and always review before a meeting (I’m always amazed by what I’ve forgotten in the time since we’ve last met – like how upset my child was by a male substitute, or she threw up before school every day for a week, or the e-mail I got copied on that said he was repeatedly leaving class – which doesn’t show up as an absence or tardy because he was there for attendance….). Don’t expect them to provide information like test results, visits to the school nurse, absences/tardies, grades and progress notes… keep that in your account too. We have an online grade and attendance program that parents can check anytime. I made the mistake of not printing it out on a semi-regular basis and discovered that they were making major changes and I had no proof that the day before he took his final exam he had a 23 in English. 3 days later we got the results of his final exam (he failed), but he’d passed English with a 70! All the grades had been subtly altered. We were told it was from “extra credit” from finishing his reviews. In a secret e-mail his teacher told me she was told he “had to” pass.

You can make an argument for her to be in an inclusive class…we did that for our son. They pulled him out for subjects of math and reading and that really worked best. At the very LEAST there needs to be a parapro in the class that she falls under. Just because no one in the district has one doesn’t mean she she shouldn’t have one. I know a lot of kids who “share” one in class…2-3 kids. In some ways this is better because the child isn’t singled out. My daughter has one in her class for 3 hours – she works with my daughter (4th gr) but sits with 2-3 kids so that it isn’t obvious they are there for her. My girl likes this arrangement because she isn’t singled out.

Getting a good diagnosis and going to a good doctor are key. My son was diagnosed by an excellent team of doctors, and they wrote on the paperwork that they strongly recommended a one on one AND as much integration into the regular classroom as possible to maintain his high functionality. With that written on a piece of letterhead from the hospital it carries a LOT of weight.

I am a special education teacher. One thing I have noticed is that parents do not feel that they are part of the team. The IEP team consists of parents, teachers, administrators, and maybe even school counselors. YOU are a very important part of the team. One thing that may help is get to know the teacher and develop a relationship with that teacher. I know that many of my parents have good relationships with me. I see them at Wal Mart and we talk to each other about what is going in our lives. As a teacher I make sure the parents are at the meetings, and make sure to schedule it when the parent can be there. As to the actual IEP, if the special ed teacher comes to the meeting with it filled out must tell you it is a draft copy and can be changed. I know many times I have talked to a parent on the phone about what I was thinking was best and what she/he thought was best. Sometimes we are on the same page and sometimes we are not. When we are not on the same page I have been know to get creative and find ways to meet the needs of the student. Don’t get mad, but sometimes I have had parents request things that are just out there, b ut I do work with the parent to come up with a workable solution and we improve on it or change it it depending on how that solution is working.

I feel desperate for help. I was at my son’s school today to drop off school supplies that I had forgotten to do the day before. My son’s case mgr. told me no problem bring it tomorrow. I did so today. I went to my son’s room and the teacher is the most cold, stand-ofish teacher I’ve met. I introduced myself and she said she didn’t know I was coming today. I went to approach her to extend my hand and she walked around her desk so that the desk was between us. She had been standing in the middle of the room. I explained about the supplies and she said nothing. I asked her if she felt ready to have a child in her classroom wtih asperger’s and she rambled about her dual teaching degree. I had already looked up her license and found she only has a bachelor’s. I asked her if she had any training in autism and she said I’ve had autistic kids in my classroom before. This woman did not want to talk to me and was becoming obviously irritated with me in her room. WTF, right?I asked her if she had a copy of and read his iep and bip and she said, NO! I gulped and said something like wow that doesn’t leave a lot of time to get a hold of it. She said that she has meetings coming up and I didn’t get what she meant by that. She moved again and I thanked her for her time and left. I was devastated. All I could think of is what my kid will have to deal with on a daily basis.

The school hates me as I am the parent that calls IEP meetings to discuss problems. I’m not a whiner, I deal with and put problems on the table, real stuff. I feel at a loss on how to handle this. Do I send the principal a letter detailing the interaction and my fears for my son? What on earth would you do in this case? Thanks for all input.