Hi. New member, though I’ve been reading the forums for a few weeks now. Sorry that a post like this is my first.

I’m 29, my 25 yr old sister has Down Syndrome and lives in Colorado with my parents. I found out last night that she was sexually assaulted at work by a customer (she works for a thrift store). I don’t want to go into details of what happened. She’s physically okay, at home with my parents, who are doing what they can to find emotional support for her.

An oft-quoted statistic on the internet is that 85% of women with developmental disabilities will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, so I’m surprised at the dearth of information or support that google can offer me. There’s newspaper clippings of other incidents of sexual assault. There’s pages about how to prevent sexual assault and how to teach people with Down’s about their bodies. There’s a few pages of human feces wondering what getting a blow job from a person with Down’s would be like. Maybe there’s not a lot of support because most perpetrators are also caregivers. I don’t know. But I’m not interested in teaching my sister about her body and clearly our attempts to prevent this and keep her safe didn’t work. So, short of taking her to a deserted island, I don’t know what to do.

My feelings at this moment are more or less general hatred of the world at large. This, to me, is the extreme end of the sentiment that I’ve been railing against my whole life with her: the assumption by the “normals” that retarded people are stupid, that they’re a burden, that they don’t matter, that they don’t deserve to participate, that we can do whatever we want to them and it won’t hurt them. There’s a minority of people who love my sister, and a minority of people who would insult my sister (or those like her) and then there’s the mindless blind stupid fucking majority who think that my sister is invisible and never give a thought to her or her well-being, and right now, I will happily douse both the evil and the stupid with fiendfyre, because they all contribute to the culture that allowed my sister to be assaulted *in the middle of a fucking store* (not even a concealed area. No. The middle of a store.) But since mass murder is generally frowned upon, if anyone else has any ideas of what to do or where to go, please help me.

Apologies for the language. I am not in a place right now of being able to find unangry words.

I think I could contact the rape crisis center in your city to talk with them to see if they can offer any input as to helping her and you all with the next steps, counseling. I am sure they have dealt with situations where the intellectually disabled have been assaulted. I think too it would be great if you could talk with someone on your own to help you deal with your feelings. In a way your entire family has been violated – because there was a certain amount of trust you placed in the system to keep her safe (meaning the support, training, etc). Does she go to a program for adults with disabilities? They might also be able to help your sister and your family.

I am so sorry. I agree with Julia that your sister, and probably all of your family, need some counseling. I know many wonderful people with Down’s, and I know the mental impairment is different with each. My advice is that you find the very best counselor for your sister, one with experience working with cases like this. If the counselor is in another city or state, fine, see if you can get set up with him or her. Will it be expensive? Sure. But the ******* who run the store should be paying for it.

I can’t imagine the pain that you and your family are going through, but I can offer a bit of legal advice. You should have no trouble winning a lawsuit were it to come to that. A company has a responsibility to keep its employees safe and free from sexual harassment – let alone assault! And in the middle of the store too!!! That is negligence. Your family has strong legal standing in this case, and while I don’t suggest you go all out and try to sue them for everything, I do suggest that you find exactly the treatment that your sister needs and that your family needs, draw that up, and approach the manager with those numbers. If the manager balks, get a lawyer to do the threatening. If the store is a large chain, their legal department should quickly see the need to pay the bills. And one final bit of advice, make sure the therapist bills the company. Having the therapist(s) bill you and then you get reimbursed is just asking for trouble.