My stepson has been adamant about not wanting to go to see his “mother” over the last few visitations. The children have RAD (along with a slew of other things) and his “mom” moved to the UP of Michigan over a year ago and this has only made the RAD worse. They are all adopted, and I say “mother” loosely because she has already signed over the rights of our oldest daughter and doesn’t see her at all anymore. And honestly, she treats my SS like crap. She really does.

She coddles our youngest and treats her like a baby, which has caused issues of it’s own as they are special needs children. And she completely ignores SS. And if you met this kid…he is so sweet and funny, I don’t know why she treats him so badly. She has mentioned that he is my “DH’s boy” and I believe the relationship the kids have with us bothers her immensely. Of course, she does have a Borderline Personality Disorder, so who knows why she does what she does.

Regardless, they have to visit with her next week. She comes down from MI, keeps them in a hotel during the school week and then takes them to her parents on the weekend, then drops them back off at school on Monday. SS has already started getting extremely anxious about this visitation. He is physically and mentally agitated and it is so difficult to watch him be so upset. But he has to go. It’s part of the custody agreement. We can’t keep him, even as much as we’d love to tell him he doesn’t have to go.

I have racked my brain trying to think of something that will ease his anxiety, even just a little while he is gone, and I am coming up empty. Before I’ve done the “Kissing Hand” from the book of the same name (it’s great if you haven’t read it). But I need something really soothing to send with him, tell him, give him and I can not think of anything to alleviate his frustrations. It’s just for a week and then he will be back home.

Please, I need suggestions! I’ll consider anything if it will help him through the next week. And I would love to hear from anyone else who has to share custody. It’s getting really hard to make the children go on their visits. Even our youngest is starting to not want to go and that is HUGE! She’s the baby and like I said “mom” spoils her. However, “moms” nutty and the kids are really starting to feel uncomfortable with her.

Ok…go : )

Hmmm. I could think about a worry stone or something of that nature, that could work. A picture may be too obvious. If his mother sees that he has a pic of me and daddy…that sucker will be gone. She gets angry with my youngest SD when she talks to me on the phone during her visitation. SD only talks to me when she can do it in secret, it’s so sad, she’s only 8. But she says “mommy gets angry.”

I was thinking the same…something small; stone, coin. For my son, who had terrible anxiety, we tried a lot. Our girl liked the knots on a blanket for a wish/prayer. What about secret knot wishes? Tie some twine or string around his backpack/luggage and say some wishes and tie a knot for each one? Leave long enough string for him to tie knots when he’s away. Then he can tie a knot when he’s thinking of you and you can do the same to string at home. You can compare when he gets back?