I had a very bad 2014, very, very bad. My sister, Terry, mother Barbara and our dog, Lucy all died within a span of five months early in the year. In addition, I was going through some personal trauma and was working it out in therapy weekly, so there was a lot of reflecting and analyzing.
At the end of 2104 I fell at a client’s event and shattered my wrist and a week later I had a nice little plate and screws put in it so I could end up with range of motion. The broken wrist happened to be attached to my left arm and since I am a lefty, it was a very needed surgery. Finally, just beyond a year later my wrist is almost back to normal. During that fall I injured my foot and recently had surgery to correct something that wasn’t healing. The pain from that injury was causing me to stay off of my elliptical, which I happen to love, so it was a problem. I’m happy to say surgery went well with that, too. Unfortunately the client mentioned left me with almost $25,000 in bad debt, so it was like a double sucker punch. Get hurt at their event they didn’t even pay me for. See what I mean, 2014 was very bad, indeed.
Now it’s the end of 2015 and a lot has settled down. I’m still in a little therapy, I started “floating” thanks to a friend who gifted me a certificate (in a depravation tank) and I recently saw a hypnotist to help me with some residual PTSD I was trying to work through, leftover from, well, an event. The hypnosis wasn’t a long-term thing – just a few visits – and things have improved I’m happy to say.
The beautiful thing about time is that it keeps going. For the last two years I’ve been grateful things keep moving on. Kids, family, work, hobbies, school, sports, friends, tears, celebrations, hospitalizations, appointments and everything else required of you when you live a life. Especially a sometimes messy life like we live with uncertainty. Life is messed up sometimes. Even under the best of circumstances life can be challenging, yet it keeps moving, no matter what.
It’s really easy to get caught up in the Facebook and Instagram Feeds of Perfect People and think about how things aren’t so perfect in your world. It’s easy to compare. It’s easy to think the people in those feeds as having it easy because they have great hair, big smiles, a perfect kitchen, a great filter on their pictures and they know how to use it. No one lives a perfect life. We all have our insecurities. We all have our issues we should have worked out a long time ago, or are currently working through. We all have something that is a challenge to us, even if we don’t let everyone see the messy side of our lives. It’s okay not to show it. We don’t have to share or see everything but it’s fine if we do. Share or don’t share, but know everyone had messes in their lives.
I’m so extremely lucky to be surrounded by people who love me and accept the messy life that comes with me, imperfections, drama, tears and all. They are the people who see past the filtered photos, the perfectly angled selfie, and the brave face I put on for my family and even the one I put on for myself sometimes. They let me crumble when I need to and they push me back up when I can’t do it alone.
I love time markers, always have. It’s why I’m so looking forward for another change in the calendar in years. Will it finally bring me complete peace? Will the kids be safe? Will their kidneys keep working? Will their livers hold out? Will my work with clients continue? Will the trauma I’ve been through fade, or better yet, be gone?
I certainly hope so. The new year always brings new chances, which can be scary. Or at least it’s scary for me.
There’s still beauty to see in new chances if you’re brave enough to look.
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