Programmed to Hear the Negative
My son recently changed schools. He began on a week that was only 3 days and wasn’t even acedemic, which was good, so he’d have time to adjust to the people, new routine and new rules.
So he recently had a regular acedemic day and we got an email from his teacher. He’d experienced some anxiety and had needed to be redirected from doing a couple of minor things and so she was emailing me to tell me about it as well as ask for suggestions. She mentioned that he probably didn’t trust them yet but with time it would get better, she said, she told him he’d be fine, to relax about the classwork for now, to just listen along.
The only thing I first read and took in, were the behavior based issues. I looked right past the amazing things she said and how she wasn’t really telling on him to get him in trouble as much as she was reporting to inform me she had his back, her eye on him and of course to ask for suggestions to ease his anxiety.
Light bulb! I was stunned when I realized the real reason for the email. I’ve been so programmed over the last couple of years to hear/read reports of all the negative things about my son and very few positive reports. That’s not saying the positive reports weren’t there, it is however, supporting the fact that the negative over shadowed the positive in numbers but also in importance of the negative in the communications from the other school.
I realized I had let the old school’s way of communicating about my son train me to only read/hear the negative from others because that is largely what they shared.
Apprently he isn’t the only one who has to jump into a new atmopshere and do things differently. I thought his move to a new school was about only about him. It seems this was a good move for the entire family.
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About The Author
Julia Roberts
Julia Roberts is founder of Support for Special Needs and has been a regular contributor since its inception in May 2010. A mom to two kids with special needs, she didn't want other parents to feel what is the often isolating world of raising a child (or two!) with disabilities. Her kids had kidney transplants at the age of eight and will need liver transplants in the future as a result of ARPKD/CHF. They both have vision disorders and learning disabilities.
That sounds like a pretty awesome teacher! I hope things go well at the new school.
Same here! Corrigan’s teacher was sending home notes, detailing his emotional outbursts, for about a week straight, and I sent her a note back detailing all of the things we were doing at home, and trying to secure outside behavioral therapy etc., to let her know WE were trying to get a handle on things on my end.
When I went to pick Cor up that afternoon, she pulled me aside red faced, and explained that she wasn’t telling me these things because his behaviors were all that disruptive, or even anything she was overly concerned about considering his developmental age…but that she knew that behavior changes could be indicative of an impending crisis due to his disorder!
She had done her own homework, and spent the last year and a half paying attention to the things I told her about the disorder, and was only giving me such detailed notes each day as a way to be “my eyes” while he was away form me at school (because a brain crisis can come on in less than 6 hours).
Here I was, feeling beat up and defensive about her notes, and she was simply trying to be detailed and proactive in case of medical issue.
I see the negative first too, it is hard not to when the years have been full of reports and test results that all explain the things he is NOT able to do, instead of any real focus on the things he can.
I need to work on my responses!
That is a great tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.
Brief but very precise info… Thanks for sharing this one.
A must read article!