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Regret and Judgement

There have been a lot times that I’ve been judged. ┬áThere are times our family has been judged…our parenting, our marraige. Anything we do connected to raising the kids, but especailly about behaviors relating the kids. I’ve written about it before, here.

The holidays are upon us and here goes that time of the year when our stressors are amped (off routine anyone?), our time is pressed (have you shopped, because I haven’t), and we’re around a lot of people (oh no, more get togethers and chances for disaster). I look forward to the time off now, but for all of the reasons above, sometimes I want to sail through them without all the fanfare.

Sometimes we’re not sure what we’re going to get when we go out. What behaviors? Manners? Tantrums? What looks will we get this time or tomorrow? When we’re together with family or friends, which ones will judge how we do this, or that?

Here’s the thing. I’m now about 13 years down the road of parenting kids with differences and the judging thing from people is really old news, even though it still happens today. What I mean is, is that it shouldn’t be a big surprise to me and it’s old news in the way that I let it bother me.

I regret — and I don’t regret much — the time wasted on judgement about anything related to the kids and our parenting. If I could reach back and slap some sense into the mom of that 2-year-old son who still wasn’t walking, I’d tell her to work on letting it slide off because she’d need that energy for a lot more important things…like managing doctors and medications, like making decisions about healthcare for that child and the one after, or helping the kids meet goals and be happy, or working really hard to give her kids some normalcy inside the un-normal of their lives.

That’s where her energy and focus needed to be.

I’d tell her to give herself a break on the judgement on herself as well. I’d tell her she’d do alright by her kids and family, if she does her best, with the best of intentions and holds on tight to the belief she could help them live their best life, that she’d have no regrets.

I’d tell her to keep repeating that to herself because nearly every single day someone would be judging her.


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